Entry 07 | The Art of Writing Obituaries: Honoring Life with Words

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I have always been a writer. And, as it turns out, being a good writer means that whenever someone in my family passes away, the task of writing their obituary inevitably falls to me. It’s an honor—but also a weighty responsibility. Obituaries are not just announcements of death; they are a final tribute to a life lived, a way to encapsulate someone’s essence in just a few paragraphs. I consider three crucial elements when crafting an obituary:

1. Sensitivity to the Readers Every obituary has an audience: family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances who all played a role in the deceased’s life. A well-written obituary acknowledges these relationships without overwhelming the limited space of a pamphlet or program. It’s important to mention close family members and hint at the larger community that surrounded the person, ensuring that no one feels forgotten.

   
   

2. Honesty with Respect Not everyone we memorialize was an angel. Some were difficult, some were flawed, and some—like my maternal grandfather—were outright unpleasant. But an obituary is not the place for grievances. Instead, I focus on their strengths. My grandfather may not have been the warmest person, but he was hardworking and had a sharp sense of humor. Obituaries should highlight the good, but they should also be truthful in a way that preserves the dignity of the living and their experiences with the deceased.

   
   

3. A Message of Encouragement An obituary should offer more than just a biography; it should inspire reflection. Whether by sharing a lesson the person taught, a phrase they often repeated, or the impact they left behind, the obituary should encourage readers to appreciate life, cherish loved ones, and continue the legacy of the deceased in some way. When I wrote the obituary of my new-born nephew, I took into account how this little human was already so cherished. His antics in my sister's womb gave us a glimpse of his personality. I encouraged all to consider how precious they are, from the very start, their lives are valuable, and they are cherished.

   
   

Additional Considerations for Writing an Obituary:

4. Clarity and Simplicity – Avoid overly complex language or long-winded descriptions. A well-written obituary should be comprehensible to all who read it.

5. Anecdotes Over Achievements – While listing accolades is important, personal stories and memories bring the person to life in the reader’s mind.

6. Cultural and Religious Sensitivities – Understanding the traditions and beliefs of the deceased ensures that the obituary aligns with their values and honors their faith.

7. A Balanced Tone – Grief can make emotions run high, but an obituary should strike a balance between mourning the loss and celebrating the life.

8. A Lasting Impression – Ending with a memorable quote, saying, or lesson can leave a profound impact on those reading.

   
   

Well-Written Celebrity Obituaries:

• Maya Angelou (1928–2014) – Her obituary captured her legacy as a poet, activist, and storyteller. It didn’t just list her accomplishments; it reminded readers of the power of words and resilience.

• Chadwick Boseman (1976–2020) – His obituary focused on his quiet strength, perseverance through illness, and the way he uplifted others, rather than just his filmography.

• Robin Williams (1951–2014) – His tribute balanced the immense joy he brought to millions with an honest acknowledgment of his personal struggles, reminding readers of the complexity of human existence.

  
  

Writing obituaries has taught me that, in the end, our lives are summed up by the impact we leave on others. How do we want to be written? And how can we continue to use the art of writing to honor those who have passed in a way that truly captures their spirit?

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Discussion: Have you ever had to write an obituary? What challenges did you face, and what did you learn from the experience?